Yesterday as we were heading to
church I was thinking about the week. Just kind reviewing it in my head as we
filled out our progress record. As I have thought many times before on my
mission the thought came-- "This week hasn’t been anything too special. What
am I going to write home about."
To add to that, we got to church and
were sorely disappointed by the turnout. Taraka has been MIA this week; LaVerne
told the man that she usually rides with that she was too tired to make it. We
saw Sister Shaner slip in without Brother Shaner at her side. It seemed like
our lame week was making an accounting for itself. We had a little silver
lining. We had 2 less actives that we have been working with a little come, and
I sat in sacrament meeting thinking about agency and how I wished that some
people would use theirs more wisely. I was trying to tell myself that it
was okay, that we had another week to work on eternal salvation.
Then, God smote me.
A few minutes into sacrament
meeting, in walk Pat and Nick! Woo Hoo. They made it in just before the opening
prayer.
Now, as if that wasn’t enough--
After sacrament meeting, Brother
Cross was to be given the Melchizedek priesthood. He invited us in as well as a
few other people including Sister Shaner. The spirit was very strong in the
room as it tends to be in those wonderful circumstances. There were a lot of
grown man tears :)
When we came out of that room,
Sister Shaner pulled us aside. She was bawling. She hugged us and told us that
there was something that she had to tell us and that she couldn't wait any
longer. She said that she had been talking with her husband this week and out
of the blue he asked her, "So, when exactly can I get baptized? Like, how
many more of these lessons do I have to have?"
Let me just tell you a little about
the Shaners. They have been married for about 12 years, and they are both on
second marriages. When they got married Brother Shaner agreed that he would
seek out joining the church in his own timing and when he was ready. He has a
lot of bad habits that he would have to get rid of. Sister Shaner is a saint.
She is our constant back up whenever we need anything. They call the
missionaries their kids and we are definitely not strangers to their home. When
I got here with Sister Lee a few months ago, Sister Lee told me that Brother
Shaner was interested, but Sister Shaner had insisted that we let him come to
us because when he feels pressured he will back away. So, we took the time to
really just teach about the Book of Mormon over and over again--promising that
it would help them both to achieve anything that they desired. We really just
wanted Brother Shaner to be our friend so that he would grow in his desire to
make covenants. A few weeks ago, I felt very strongly, that it was time for
Brother Shaner to saddle up and do something with the things that we had been
sharing as "dinner thoughts" we talked to Sister Shaner about it and
she told us she would love for us to invite him to take the lessons, but not to
be offended if he didn’t respond the way that we wanted him to. We took that
and ran with it. The next time that we were over at their house we taught them
about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As we taught, we felt the Spirit pouring out
into that room. We invited him to be baptized. This is one of those times that
I so badly wish that I could say he said "yes" because of the strong
spirit in the room, but instead we got pretty much the worst reaction ever. The
best way to describe it is he looked like a chihuahua that was in the path of a
renegade semi. Bless his heart; he did not want what we had to offer. Feeling
pretty awkward, we tried to regurgitate our words and went back to "how to
begin teaching" telling him that we were here to guide him and that we
wanted to help him work on his goals. The lesson ended with all of us feeling a
bit uncomfortable, but -- we had a return appointment. The next time we went
over, they invited others, so we weren’t really able to teach. We shared a
quick scripture, but were hesitant to make him feel that awkward again
especially with others there.
And that brings us back to Sunday.
We took a moment with Sister Shaner to hug and to cry, and Sister Shaner leaned
in and whispered in my ear, "It's because of you. Thank you!"
As we have taught Brother Shaner and
gotten to know him, I have felt a special kind of love for him. It's hard to
describe, but I will do my best. In the Doctrine and Covenants 31:5 we are told
"Thrust in your sickle with all your soul, and your sins are forgiven you,
and you shall be laden with sheaves upon your back; for the laborer is worthy
of his hire. Wherefore, your family shall live." I remember this scripture
being shared at a zone conference or something like that, and whoever shared it
talked about how our families would be taken care of back home. I remember
thinking to myself, "I am not really worried about my family at home. They
will be fine. I guess I will just apply this to my future family-- I know that
they will need the blessings." However as my mission has progressed I have
thought of some of my family members that I know have been in need of spiritual
help. Who have-- by their own choices-- found themselves in the depths of
sorrow and sin. Now, no matter who we are, we know that is a pretty bad place
to be in. Regardless of choices, we couldn’t wish that upon anyone. However, I
also know that others are affected by those poor choices, and it’s hard for us
as well. The moment I knew that I had truly been able to forgive was when, as
directed by the spirit, I shared with Brother Shaner that I just wanted to help
him. I wanted to see him and his wife enjoy the fullness of the blessings of
the Gospel. I shared with him that I had loved ones at home that needed someone
to help them do the same. That I knew that I wouldn't be the one to help them,
but that I prayed daily for opportunities to serve others so that someone might
serve them and help them come to some state of peace and happiness.
As my mission is counting down into
its final weeks, I have been thinking a lot about the many people that I have
worked with and have watched grow under the light of the Gospel of Jesus
Christ. I have often wondered-- As I think every missionary does, "Have I really
made a difference? Was this time really worth it?" I can say without a
doubt, this time has been worth it. Sometimes I feel like I am pretty much the
worst missionary since Corianton-- then, God is able to show me the joy of the
gospel again. There are some things about serving a mission that I don’t think
that I will ever miss. However, seeing the love in a wife's face and feeling
the spirit as she can finally see her husband begin on the path to entering
into eternal covenants, I know that his is the work of the Lord.
Truth is, I haven’t done a thing for
Brother Shaner. In fact, most of the lessons we have taught there have been
lessons that I would never want to share with anyone because they were so bad.
I know without a doubt that the Lord is preparing the hearts of his children to
be touched by His Holy Spirit. However, I also know that serving a mission and
coming to know all of the people that I have was part of Heavenly Father's plan
for me, and how grateful I am that it was!
In my farewell talk, I remember
being a little bit upset because my assigned topic and talk were pretty closely
related to marriage. I thought, "How rude! I tell them I am going on a
mission and they ask me to talk about getting married." But it is so much
more than that.
Elder Russel M. Nelson said, My dear
brothers and sisters, each day is a day of decision, and our decisions
determine our destiny. One day each of us will stand before the Lord in
judgement. We will each have a personal interview with Jesus Christ. We will account
for decisions that we made about our bodies, our spiritual attributes, and how
we honored god's pattern for marriage and family. That we may choose wisely
each day's decisions for eternity is my prayer."
How true is that? I know that
serving a mission has affected my eternal destiny and I hope and pray that it
has affected others as well. I know that this Gospel is true, and I am so very
grateful for the time that has been granted to me to share it. I know that this
Gospel will point us to living a Christ like life if we are willing to do the
things that Jesus Christ asks of us. It is my earnest prayer that we all seek
out the blessings of the Gospel. There are too many perils that would allow us
to be lost on the wayside. We must seek and knock and ask. We will find. It
will be opened to us. It will be given to us.
I love you all!
Sister Hope
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